How do you create the ‘Perfect Relationship?’
Many are looking for that perfect, flawless experience.
Does it exist?
How can you create peaceful, harmonious relationships?
How can you co-exist in a space where many have different views, ideals, beliefs and habits?
There are really 3 main types of relationships. And in each one different insecurities arise.
The way to have a harmonious relationship with another is to have one with yourself first.
In order to learn more about yourself, it is important to see your patterns.
These patterns are the strongest when in a relationship. As another will reflect back to you what you perhaps do not want to see, aren’t willing to look or are holding so deep within you that this pattern has not emerged in the conscious form.
Here are the types of relationships you may be familiar with. These are not limited to romantic relationships, in fact they are applied to all types of relationships.
The Dependent Relationship
The main themes of this relationship are – Neediness, Abandonment & Control.
This is the type of relationship where you rely on the other person for many things.
This isn’t just about the physical dependencies like providing food and shelter.
This is where each person expects the other to provide ‘love’ and not feel the need to give as much back.
This is where Neediness sets in. There is never enough love that can be given or received here. Because each person who is dependent on the other is not looking within themselves to draw on their own love. They must suck it out of the other person. More, more, give me more!
This is the theme of this relationship.
It is not healthy at all. There is no flow. There is no give and take. There is no compromise. It is a selfish relationship.
One where those within it are too afraid to look deep within themselves. They just expect for it to be given to them from outside of themselves – through others.
The one who is more dependent in this relationship also fears being Abandoned. They hang on very tightly because they fear of being alone and being left behind. They don’t have the confidence within them to walk their own path and be ok with it, no matter what others think of it.
Then comes Control. They control the relationship in any way they can so that they do not become abandoned. They play games, manipulate and use the weak points of their partner. They do this out of ‘love’. Because that is the only way they know how. That is their ‘love story’.
And so the cycle continues in this relationship. One of need which turns into greed. One of hanging on tightly so one does not get left behind. And one of manipulation so one receives all the love they can get.
It is not a healthy relationship. Yet many thrive in it. Because it is what they need.
When they choose to one day look within and see how they operate, that is when the game changes!
The Independent Relationship
The main themes of this relationship are – Disconnection, Fear & Emotional Distance.
This is where people in this relationship need space. They need to know that each is near, but at the same time cannot be too near.
For if anyone gets too close to the one needing the emotional distance, they will run. Pull away and shut down.
Disconnection happens when a person does not want to look within, and instead ‘checks out’. In checking out, there may be a feeling of being ungrounded, spacey, lost and directionless.
These people have commitment issues. Not just in relationships, but life in general. It will show up in many areas.
Distance is kept in these types of relationships because this will also keep the fears away too.
For looking at fears would cause a further disconnection.
These people are ‘happy’ being in an independent relationship. For this way they get their fix of whatever this type of relationship will bring without actually committing fully to one completely.
This way they will not be abandoned, controlled or needing anyone.
They are in control of themselves. They control who gets too close. They control the distance.
Independence is their very essence of survival.
The Inter-Dependent Relationship
The main themes of this relationship are – Trust, Security & Space.
This is the type of relationship that all should aim for.
There is the dependency of being in the relationship, amongst the emotions and all the closeness it will bring and also the separation part of it where they can have that space to be their own person and discover what path to take their life.
In this type of relationship one is willing to look deep within themselves, and if a fear arises they are willing to tackle it head on.
Here both parties are free to pursue their own lives while also having a healthy relationship with each other.
For there is the bond of similar interests, emotional security and each person is willing to give half and half.
If one needs more than half at any point, the other person will happily give it. Because they are not needy or so devoid of it within themselves. There is enough from within to offer a little bit more from time to time.
Here if one person pursues their own interest, the other person will not feel left out or abandoned. In fact there is support and trust.
There is no need to control the outcome.
Because when one is living out their own life and following their own path of joy, there is no need to go looking for any sort of love outside of themselves.
One must have the dependency of a connection. But one must also have the interdependency of free will and making their own choices.
If love becomes a battlefield where each person is fighting for attention…then you are in the wrong relationship!
There is no need to be needy, controlling or fearful. There is more than enough love to go around for all. It is within you. And it is offered to you from outside of you, from those who are already fulfilled or continuing to fulfill themselves on a consistent basis.
All of humanity needs different types of relationships to grow. We all need to be needy, controlling, insecure, unloved, abandoned and fearful at some point.
Each emotion and fear that we go through shapes who we become.
If you choose to remain in these toxic relationships and refuse to grow, that is all you will ever attract. There is no growth. Just fear and lack.
So grow. Look at who you are. How you react. Who you spend your time with…and why?
For all the answers lie within you.
You shape who you are and the types of relationships you attract to you, enter into and stay in.
You are the catalyst for change.
Ask yourself…what do you want?